?

Log in

No account? Create an account
caricature

Writer's Block: Eye for an eye?

If you bumped into someone who regularly picked on you as a child, what would you say to them?

Probably nothing. It really depends on the situation. I have seen people from my past in passing (but they didn't see me) and I didn't say anything. I have spoken to a couple of people from 25-30 years ago, but it was mostly just quick pleasantries. I am not the person I was back then so I don't expect they are either.

If I run across the guy who molested me, I'm not sure how I would react. I met him several years ago at a funeral and we were friendly, but that was before I realized that what he did was wrong (and not my fault). I work within a kilometre of his house and I used to fantasize about confronting him, but even those fantasies turned out badly. There is no changing what happened and, for the most part, I have put it behind me. A little bit will always be with me, but it also made me who I am today and I'm reasonably happy with who I am now. I think if I bumped into him, I would be coldly civil. There is no point in giving him the power of knowing how he affected me those many years ago.

Comments

I'm so sorry you had to go through something like that. Considering what happened, I think you're extremely well-adjusted. Your healthy and positive attitude alone indicate that. I think you're right about the need to put the past behind you and try to move on. If you don't then such people can continue to have power over you.
Thank you. I'm not sorry it happened, not really. It wasn't as bad as most people imagine. I was in love with him. It was just incredibly inappropriate as I was 12 and he was 30 and married (I found out later) when the relationship began. We used to just talk a lot. It was really nice to have someone to talk to and he helped me through a lot of problems I had as a teen, so it wasn't all bad. It took years for me to recognize that there was any bad at all. I still believe there was more good than bad.

Thank you for saying I am well-adjusted with a healthy and positive attitude. Seriously, that means a lot to me.
I know exactly what you mean about it being a part of who you are. It never goes away. But as the years pass, it seems to become, not more hazy, but more distant from your life... (I hope that made sense).

I've also had daydreams of confronting my abuser (I think that's pretty normal for victims of any kind of abuse), and mine never really turn out well either. I think that maybe because those people held power over us, it's hard to imagine a confrontation, where we are the ones in power, going well?

Even with all the pain it brought me, I find that, going through what I did, it has made me more sympathetic to other people's problems and also, more wise to the horrible things that happen in the world.

I'm glad to hear though, that you've been able to move on from that. Keep doing what your doing! :)
Oh yes, it definitely fosters sympathy and understanding for others. I find people tell me their deepest darkest secrets because they feel I will understand and not judge. Do you find the same?
Yes, I've been in the same situation many times. I find people tell me things they wouldn't really tell a stranger and these are people who do and don't know about my past.

A psychologist I had a few years ago said that people feel safe and comforted around me because of my sympathetic nature and polite kindness all stemming in my personality from wanting to make sure others aren't hurt like I was.

But then I also find that people who like to take advantage of other also find me sometimes and I end up having to try and go against my nature to stand up for myself. Do you find that at all, as well?
Besides the abuser, I have an ex-boyfriend who used me in a way that still makes me incredibly angry even after 25 years. That incident (that landed in court) toughened me up a lot and made me a whole lot less trusting. Potential users/abusers see my skeptism and tougher exterior and they avoid me.

I have learned to be able to stand up for myself, but it took years (I'm 47). I always was able to stand up for others, but not for myself.

Do you find animals and small children drawn to you? I think they can sense a caring soul.
I find that it's been less in recent years for myself, as well. I've developed quite a sarcastic and unhappy demeanor in public and it seems to help ward against those people a bit... And also my new job is strangely really helping me figure out how to tell if someone is just trying to take advantage...

And heck yes! I also find children and animals INCREDIBLY drawn to me and I could never really figure out why before, but your theory makes a lot of sense! I kind of like it in some ways, as it's made my volunteer work with babies/toddlers easy and enjoyable (the other volunteers are often jealous at how good I am at getting the kids to trust and listen to me); but on the other hand, I've always been afraid of larger animals and dogs especially, have always been drawn to me...

You get stuff like that happen to you too then? The animals and children thing I mean...

Sorry to hear about what happened with your ex, seems like that especially happens to people like us.

Lastly, how was your New Years? Do anything fun? :)
Oh yeah, kids and dogs are not just drawn to me, they relax completely around me. My employee brings his blind dog to work and he (the dog, not the employee) just falls asleep on my lap. I can carry him around in my arms and he flops over like he's got no bones at all. He trusts me completely. The same happened with a friend's baby. He would flake out in my arms, but not in anyone elses. I truly believe it is because innocents can sense caring souls.

I used to have a slightly hostile external persona, but found being friendly worked better for me. With experience, I learned to spot the majority of users and abusers, so I could protect myself while still being open to the "possibility" of trusting someone. Trust wasn't automatic. It had to be earned.

As for New Years, I welcomed hubby home after 8 nights away so it was a good one. Thank you for asking.
I would say I save my hostility to people who are rude and manipulative and am quite polite and kind to everyone else (I kind of have to be, working in the service industry). But when did that change come for you?

I'm glad you had a good New Years! Sorry to hear your spouse was away for the holidays, that must have been hard. :(
I think I stopped being hostile when I joined the workforce full-time after college. Now I am overly-polite to people who irritate me.

Hubby's home now so I'm happy.
caricature

April 2015

S M T W T F S
   1234
567891011
12131415161718
19202122232425
2627282930  

Tags

Powered by LiveJournal.com