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Despair

Why?

Why is it that a simple comment from someone can send me spiraling into massive depression? I can see this person's point of view, but the criticism brought back every negative comment anyone has ever given me. It also brought back memories of everything I have ever done wrong. I could confront this person and say, "See what your comment did to me," but it is not this person's responsibility to make me feel good. Besides, the comment was not mean spirited, my defective brain just chose to interpret it that way. Rationally, I know this is no big deal, but I just can't get past it. The antidepressant drugs usually take care of this, but I have been in tears and despair for about twelve hours. I'm thinking I'm no good. Why bother to work toward a career change now? I am almost 50, fat, and useless. It was hard enough to get a job when I was young. Why not just cut my losses and throw myself from the bridge? If the fall doesn't kill me, hypothermia will. What's the point in going on?

Comments

I'm so sorry that what this person said hurt you, even if that wasn't the person's intention. It's funny but it's often those comments that are thrown out carelessly that hurt the most. They're certainly the most frustrating because you can't explain to the person why they hurt so much. I'm also over-sensitive, so I often assume I'm over-reacting when I do get upset about something. Not that I'm saying this is the case with you, but it's so easy to assume that you're not entitled to feel pain.

I often go through periods when I feel fat, old and useless. In fact, I felt that way earlier in the week. However, I've come to realize that things will look better once my current bout of depression has passed. And I'm not saying this to trivialize your own situation but to try to point out that things probably seem really bleak because you're so upset.

Just because you had a hard time finding a job when you were young doesn't mean it will be impossible when you're almost 50. I mean, we're reaching a point where a lot of the population is a bit older because the baby boomers are reaching that point in their lives. There will have to be more job openings for people who are older and there could very well be more job openings because more people will be retiring.

Try to do something fun and relaxing to take your mind off of everything, even if it's just for a short period of time. And hang in there, okay? Things will seem better once you start feeling better.
Thanks, Rusty, I know I am overreacting. I do it all the time, but the meds usually combat it pretty well. I don't know why it has hit me so badly this time.

I didn't just have a hard time finding a job when I was young. I have never had an easy time of it and have been laid off 6-7 times as well. Ottawa is a terrible place for a unilingual person to try to find work.

I took your advice and watched a Meat Loaf movie and two episodes of House. Now it's time to get back to school work. Maybe I can bury myself in transcription for the holiday tomorrow. Of course, that assumes Brimley doesn't drive me nuts. He's been pretty good about my moods today. When I was bawling my eyes out, he licked up my tears. I think it really bothered him, so I try to be strong and not let it show (just like I do for everyone else). I'm just so tired of being the strong one.

Thanks for putting up with my venting.
caricature

April 2015

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